TCIF 2

Twin Cities Improv Festival starts tonight ladies and gentleman, and the opening act is none other than LARYNX. That's right. Come check out Dave K., Josh E., and myself perform magical improvisation.

Larynx/T-Rex Force

7pm, $10

The second show of the evening is none other than STEVIE RAY'S, which will consist of myself and many of our other talented performers. Come check us out.

Stevie Ray's/ Scram

830pm, $10

The fest is happening from today until Sunday, and there is a lot of talent coming to perform and workshops to be taught.
This is going to be a fun filled weekend with shows, learning, laughter, parties, and a deaf pit bull. So come enjoy some part of it.
Here is the link to the website for more information.

http://www.twincitiesimprovfestival.com/

ps-more to come on the deaf pit bull

Meaning of Life

While shopping the other day for children's Tylenol, my wife and I came across the cycle of life at none other than Wal-Mart. Thanks to my wife for pointing this gem out to me.

You may be asking yourself how this is possible at Wal-Mart. Well, I'm about to tell you and show you.


If you look carefully at this photo, taken near the pharmacy section, you will be able to see what I am speaking of.

Lets start at the bottom left, and work our way around clockwise.

As you can see, we have basic condoms on the bottom three rows. This would be where most first time sexually active people direct their eye. They want nothing more then the basics, as their experience in this department is minimal.

As we move up, you can see that we start to get into some experimental things, like vibrating rings. This would be for those that have more then likely been with their partner for a longer period of time, and wish to try something "new".

Moving up, we see basic to advanced lubricants come in to view. If you have reached lubricant stage, you are probably pretty comfortable with your partner, and realize some aid is needed. You ll notice that these things are eye level. The reason for this is that there are A LOT of comfortable people at this stage and it makes it easier for a quick purchase.

Now we start getting into the more interesting spot. Above the lubricants, you ll notice there are the pregnancy tests. This is an interesting section. I think Wal-Mart gave this some thought. This section would be for two types of people. The first would be the people who have moved from the lubricant stage into "lets have a family" stage. That step is probably pretty obvious. The second group consists of our less experienced group from the bottom of the shelf. You see, when the condom failed the beginners, they come running back to the pharmacy for the pregnancy test. The reason Wal-Mart was smart to put it at the top of this section is because this group of people will be talking upward to their respective God, so it is easier for them to see on the top shelf.

Onward. As you may notice there is the children's Tylenol on the top shelf on the right. This one is fairly obvious as well. You have been successful in your sexual endeavors, whether you wanted to be or not, and now you have to try and cure some of those teething problems, or one of the many illnesses that a child brings home from the petri dish, aka daycare.

Right under that we move into the muscle relief cream. This is where we have moved into a mature part of our life, because we are able to recognize that our muscles are not what they once were, and we don't mind smelling like a mint factory to ease our pain. Tending to children being a large part of this pain.

Downward to the final shelves. We have begun to hit that point in our life where the children are gone, and so are some of our reflexes and the ability to hold a glass. Yes, arthritis relief is next as well as something to numb that constant back ache. Realize this, your backache is probably a result of having to lift your grandchildren because your child had not been properly introduced to the Wal-Mart cycle of life.

So when it comes time for that talk, bring your child (or grandchild) on their 13th birthday, and show them how a 6x10 foot area of shelves is their future.

Again, I have to thank my wife for this wonderfully humorous observation. By the way, if I smell like menthol , you will know i have moved to a new stage, so try not to mention it.

June 20th 1992

16.

Hard to believe, but the teen turns 16 today. The years are racing by. To state the cliche (think of an old man saying this line or a Bill Cosby type), it seems like yesterday he was just graduating from kindergarten where he regularly gave away his good toys. He had a knack for taking his newly acquired Batman action figure with deep sea diving accessories to school, and not returning with them. It would seem that he felt other kids wanted it more then he did, so he gave it to them. I don't know if this spoke to an early sensibility of generosity, or a lack of connection to material things. Either way, i suppose it can be seen as good.

(Cosby type voice again) Yeeeeees, seems like just yesterday at the age of 6 he was asking his mother to put Nightmare on Elm Street back in the VHS for him. He had a penchant for horror flicks at a very early early age. I don't know that he still gets into them. Today it is much more about things like Ninja Warrior, and Metalocalypse. I guess that is close.

(Cosby) Well, seems like yesterday we had to shake the little tyke a good four times to get him out of bed to leave in time for school. Today, its just a mere 5 or 6. I am sure that is something that has not changed. He does enjoy his sleep. Probably because he has always found a way to stay up late. When he was small, he enjoyed his small flashlights that he would use to assist reading or playing so that we wouldn't know he was up. Today his room is far enough away, that it is hard to say what and for how long he does things at night. Maybe he is engineering the next version of the Internet and is going to amaze all around him. We will see.

Even with all the turns , ups, and downs we have shared with our teen, we love him very much, and are very proud of who he has become. Here's to knocking out the rest of the awkward teen years and becoming a great individual... who becomes rich for re engineering the Internet-Ollernet. We wish him a wonderful and Happy Birthday.

16, wow...

Cramped Cranium

There are certain times of the year that a feeling comes over me, and I feel a bit volatile. Its as if i can no longer manage a filter that helps keep how i truly feel in check. I usually remedy this by avoiding prolonged conversations with people, and hiding somewhere between my right lobe and the inside of my skull. My patience for people runs extremely thin, daily activities that are work related become highly annoying for its lack of creativity, and my general disposition becomes less then agreeable. I tend to have a greater sense of the mundane and ignorance around me that becomes white noise after a period of time. I so badly want to quit my subscription to "normal" life, and cut a path that is unique to my ideals.

I find these times to also be some of my greatest points of learning. Mainly about myself. I tend to be able to define my boundaries more, push my own personal expectations, and head forward into the abyss with more abandonment. It is as if i lose any sense of fear. As if "Fear" has taken a mini vacation along with "Doubt", and left me with no sense of consequence. It is something that i have started to look forward to the older i get. When you are young, consequence had little measure. The worst you could expect was a couple nights in jail. That's the worst, not that it ever reached that point. Now, with a family at hand, consequence carries a whole new meaning, and i try to handle it with as much responsibility as i can muster. As i was saying though, these strange moments creep over me like an ominous cloud cracking thunder, encouraging me to throw it to the wind... and i oblige.

So there it is, a bit of perspective. If i should offend you, upset you, not meet your expectation of me, you will know why. It is a learning experience for all of us. Just know that i am no longer comfortable sitting next to the back of my skull.

Fathers Unlocked

Here it is. Fathers Day. One day a year. Just like Mothers Day, we give one day to honor the other reason for our existence. One day seems unjust, insulting, and downright mean. 1909 0r 1910 is the year that Fathers Day was put into place in America. (According to the webnet). So we have been honoring our fathers for roughly 100 years, once a year. So in actuality, we have celebrated our fathers for about 98 days. That translates to roughly three months. So. For the existence of man (roughly 200,000 years ago) we have honored and praised our Fathers for a TOTAL of what would amount to one summer break from high school... seems a little short.

Without further ado, I will jump into this blog, which is about my Father, and honoring him.

Something I remember distinctly from my childhood was my father's keys. Yes, his keys. There was something always about my father's keys that struck me odd. They were very orderly. Very neat. They seemed to go from big keys to little keys, and though i am sure this is just a touch of childhood recounting (which is a little more creative), i believe they were somewhat color coded. All silver to all gold. On top of that, my father had a piece of leather attached to his key chain. It was the color of dark chocolate, and the shape of it was that of the head of a large soup spoon. One side of it was smooth, and the other rough, as if this piece of leather was cut from a fine leather chair that had aged for centuries. As I recall, again...childhood recounting, his initials were branded into this piece of leather...EB. The interesting part about all of this is not the ornament on my father's keys, but the role this piece of leather played in its relationship with these wondrous keys. It was their "bed". Anytime my father laid these keys around the house they were always cradled by this piece of leather. I always thought it was interesting that they were never splayed out or thrown randomly somewhere, but that they seemed to always have a purpose in their position. It was at this point that i saw a connection in peoples keys, and their personality.

I have always learned a lot about people based on their keys. Some people have key chains with every key they have ever owned, displaying a real nostalgia to their life and a need to hang on. Some people don't have key chains at all (baffling) and i feel it displays the inability to commit, or to be able to bring parts of their lives together. Then there are people that have a key chain that maybe have the essentials- car, house, maybe work- and a piece of ornament like a star or some type of flair, which i feel displays a need for bare necessities, yet able to have fun or adventure and make that important. Good for these people. They are my kind of people, maybe even soul mates.

My father has always been an organized, well thought out, and caring man, much like his keys. He has taken care of his family giving them their "bed", he has kept things organized in order to always be prepared, and he is always thinking... always. The keys show a certain sternness my father has that shows belief in having a system. Systems are great, because they keep us on track. The keys could always be found in the same spot, and i believe that shows the reliability my father has always displayed. He has been there no matter what, and is always ready to listen. And much like keys open doors to possibilities, my father has always been ready to give advice to open other doors unseen in life. My father has done many great things in life, but one of the greatest was to give me my own outlook on life and how to treat my keys. Thank you Dad.

Delivery

There are things in life you don't expect to hear or see. This being one of them.

I hand the person the package from home. She holds it up to the light, stares at it with a slightly eerie smile, says... "yes, this is good, yeeeeeeeeeeesss." "How old is it?" which i reply, "from today." Person says "Gooooooood, good." Shakes said package while still investigating its contents up toward the light. She pauses to look at me for a moment, looks back at the package and says "niiiiice, very nice." My reply,"okay then, I'm going to go," which she gives a quick "fine".

This transaction took over a minute, so you can assume the awkwardness in there for the time frame.

No, this transaction was not a drug deal under scrutiny by the buyer. Instead this was a nurse at the pediatrics clinic, and the package was samples of my sons stool. (He is being tested for some allergies).

People in the medical profession are really starting to freak me out.

MINE

mine1

1.	a form of the possessive case of I used as a predicate adjective: The yellow sweater is mine.

2.	something that belongs to me: Mine is the red car.

"Mine". This word is the beginning of the end for civilization. I'm sure i am not casting any new light on this subject or making any great commentary that will change the world, but i will give my two cents.

My two year old daughter has firmly grasped the intensity and meaning of this word. She probably on average uses it close to 300 times a day. You would think that to be a gross exaggeration, but it is not. Everything she wants, is "mine". Everything she has, is "mine". Everything any one else has, is "mine". This word has empowered her so much that she even feels that it is a good idea to take the things that others have. Especially things from her one year old brother.

The chant of "mine, mine, mine, mine" is so great, that the one year old has already begun to give his version. "Mahn". Sure, there is a small piece of me holding hope that he is slightly Rastafarian, but i am realistic. He has begun to grab and snatch with as much vigor and envy as his older sister, and God forbid if they eye the same thing at the same time. A toddler battle ensues.

Screams, squawks, shoving, scratching, and the occasional biting. It is like a bugs bunny cartoon when they fight. Just a cloud of smoke with arms and legs flying. In some ways it is cute and at the same time horrific.

I'm sure that most would blame parents for the "mines", but i know that we work diligently not to support this point of view. Kids will be kids, and when they are exposed to other kids, they will find their "mines".

Unfortunately we carry this attitude to our adulthood. I believe that is what makes most of our life the struggle it is. We have to continually keep achieving our "mines". We are constantly on our quest for what is to be "mine". "Mine" can be the car, house, career, the last donut at caribou that the person in front of you takes, only to become someone else's "mine".

This "mine" is evil. If there was a way to dissolve the "mines" and develop a stronger "ours" we would be a lot better off. I'm not talking a bunch of hippie crap either (forgive me if i offend any hippie readers, but I'm sure your appreciating this anyway). If we could find a deeper side in ourselves to share our needs and give before taking, i believe we would find a lot more piece and tolerance in people and our lives.

So there it is. One to grow on.

I have to cut this short, i think the teen is eating the last ice cream cone sundae, and its MINE.

Minnawaii

I love summer. Now that it is here, i feel better. I know, some of you are thinking rain and tornadoes do not constitute summer, but when you live with 6 months of snow, it does. It reminds me of when I use to live on Oahu. Those were great years of sun year round, with the occasional rainy months, but even then, the sun would show up for a couple hours in the day. Rain was never and issue there, if anything it was welcomed... unlike here.

The bad thing about rain in Minnesota during the summer is the loss of motor skills people experience. I mean that literally. People wrestle with common sense when they are handling a car in rain, and worse yet, hail. Example... my wife and I were driving to her work on I-394 when it started to rain, and soon small bits of hail came as well. That's when the white knuckling started. Everyone starts to hit the brakes at random times, and i don't mean gently, i mean full on slam, FOR NO REASON. Merging was no longer an option for those already on the interstate. If its raining, YOUR NOT ALLOWED ON! I could not understand these people. It was starting to stress me out, mainly because Karen was late getting to work and so she was doing some NASCAR driving of her own. Then it happened. People started slamming on their brakes to stop. I thought it must have been a terrible accident from the awesome defensive driving everyone was doing. No, no it wasn't. It was the most unbelievable display if ignorance i have seen in a while. People had stopped ON the interstate under an overpass because of the pea sized hail. ON the interstate. And the reason they stopped was because they had expensive cars. Really, REALLY? Because you own an expensive car, that gives you the right to come to a dead stop ON the interstate to protect YOUR car over anybody else. Never mind that there are hundreds of cars behind you coming at 60 miles per hour (or more). Never mind there are Others with expensive cars behind you. Never mind that the welfare of others are at hand. At least you know you will not be making an insurance claim on this day. As if that wasn't bad enough, the thing that really capped it for me was that there was more then one person that decided this was a good idea. On a three lane interstate (five including the shoulders) there were a total of about ten individuals, or more if there were passengers, that came to the conclusion that this was feasible and legal. U-N-R-E-A-L. These PEOPLE, who are clearly a waste of good skin, are still out there with their licenses, so be warned. Rain+Minnesotans= anarchy driving.

So there it is. If you are not from here, and you want to visit in the summer, your biggest fear is going to be driving in the rain on the Interstate. Other then that... its a lot like Hawaii. Sort of.

Paul Sills

Some of you may know, and a lot of you may not, but Paul Sills died yesterday at the age of 80. He was the the legendary improvisational director and teacher who co-founded the Compass Players in Chicago and was the founding director of Chicago's Second City. He guided many of the famous performers that people know today such as Alan Arkin, Mike Meyers, Chris Farley, and more. He is considered a guru of improvisation. LA TIMES ARTICLE.

I never had the opportunity to work with him, although it would have been an honor. The man is a legend and inspiration to directors, coaches, and performers in the world of improvisational theater.

Here is to you Paul. You may be gone, but your work will be remembered forever.