Mentally AWOL

Its late. Im tired. Tired. That word makes me feel angry and disappointed. Everyone knows it, everyone feels it at some point. It comes on when you least need it to be there, but that is its wiley ways. I am trying to hook into my brain that gives into this "tired" and turn it off, but i have not had any luck. If you have a secret for it, please share.

There is sickness in the house. Hopefully that is going to turn soon. Sick. Another word that makes me feel angry and a dash of exhausted. Feels like i am constantly watching the horizon for the next infestation. Whether it be from the daycare of death or the fish bowl job. Ugh.

Vacation. I like that word, and yet it always seems to not enter my vocabulary. Even Mini-vacation. I could use that word too, but there has not been that oppurtunity. That word makes me feel giddy and like a failure. Maybe a failure because it has been four years since i have had anything that would be considered a real vacation, and that was only for three days.

I think i am reaching a superior festering of the mental and physical. Its to the point where the body is rejecting me. My body doesnt want to hang out with me anymore.
















On a side note, Chris Cornell put a new album out- Scream - Lets just say...unfortunate.

Quality or Lack of Quantity

There are times when work is overwhelming, and then there are times when work is consuming.

These past couple weeks have been a blur for me. It feels like my focus has been on other peoples lives and not on mine or my family. Granted, having the power over a persons biggest purchase in life does have some importance, but when you are sitting at a desk approaching your 10th hour of work, you cant help but think how you are cheating your children of their memories, and vice-versa. Plugging away at the revolving door called job is a constant mental battle. You know you are there so that you can provide the necessities of life to you and your family, but you cant help but think in some ways it is so counter productive. Its not a new story. Its the same story. Every one lives through it.
You wake up the kids so that you can spend about 45 minutes with them before they have to be at daycare. You work diligently with overtime so that you can afford the things everyone needs. This in turn means you only have enough time to pick the kids up, race home, make dinner, eat, bathe the kids (on a slower night) and then off to bed. Roughly about 2 hours with the kids. This cycle continues. I cant help but think of all the things i am missing during the day while they are at their best. I get them in their tired hours. Sure, we are happy to see each other, but there is just a little steam left before the crankiness kicks in. Its too bad the kids have to see me that way.
Then there is my wonderful wife. I can only imagine how much we are missing out with each other. Between both of us having second jobs, there isn't much face time. A lot of the time its tag team parenting. I miss her. I miss the quality time. I miss the alone time. Again, you can only hope there will be a greater reward later, but with the economy on its way down, a long way down, three jobs might be in order. As if relationships don't have enough challenges.

Tonight, i let the kids play a little longer. I got to be the giant stalking the princess and prince. Giggles were aplenty. I did my best to burn the images and sounds on my brain, but after a long day, i don't have high hopes for retention. Thank god for the phone video camera.

Maybe Mommy and Daddy will see if we can squeeze in a late night movie for a little bonding.






I cant see this pattern being fruitful.