Thanksvalentineing Day

What a very full week of crazy, and i meant to blog about it, but the date with my wife last night made up for all of it, so it deserves the moment

It isn't as easy to get an outing with two small children and a teen, but last night was a date made early, and i was looking forward to it.

Getting connected has been a bit of a challenge over the past year and a half due to so many different reasons (past blogs), but lately we seem to be getting our bearings about things, which has helped us tremendously in coming together. I feel like we have grown stronger with each passing day and it feels nice to be able to really talk to each other again.

Last night was just a casual dinner with talking and having fun. There was a good prime rib, wine, and seared mushrooms. Not to mention a beautiful woman sitting across from me. An evening to remind me why i love this woman so much. Here's to you Karen. I love you.
















PS- We'd make it, they wouldn't

Hairy Sucker

Sometimes you feel like it is all going better than it should, and that something is around the corner that is going to bring it to a break your nose halt.

And so it does.

Things have been starting to look up around the old home front lately. Financially, i believe we are starting to hold a little ground. Not that we are gaining any, just holding, which is better then falling deeper then we already are. I feel i have taken a more concentrated effort to watching every dollar (with more room for improvement).

The kids are doing great. All of them. The little ones delight me on a regular basis with their new found words and facial expressions. Logan received his first haircut as a human being, and was a champ. Not to mention amazingly adorable. I believe i rounded the photos off at 128.












The teen seems to be getting somewhat serious about the downward spiral he was in. I have great hope that he can find it in himself to make better choices. Hard to watch someone with so much intelligence become furniture. Maybe that is all apart of being "Scene"

Karen and I have had a pretty great couple of weeks. She celebrated a birthday, and we really got to spend some real one on one time this weekend, and it was well overdue. Was great to be able to do things for her. I love when she smiles more. Not to mention we got to see 3 movies. One good, one renter, and one that should be avoided at all costs (Hes Just Not That Into You)

But then there is that bleeding nose halt.

A friend of ours lost her battle with cancer this week. She is my sister-in-laws best friend, and even though i had only hung out with her a handful of times, i know she will be greatly missed by all. She always had a smile for everyone, and I'm not just writing a cliche phrase. She was always cheerful in my perspective and a delight to be around. Where most people would have to work hard at caring and doing for others, she did with ease and grace. A particular memory i will always have of her is that she could bake wonderful mini cupcakes. She had a great talent in the baked goods area. There aren't enough people in this world like her, and so it is with great sadness that she is no longer here with us. My heart goes out to Monica's husband and two kids as well as all her family. Unfortunately i am unable to attend the Memorial service with my wife, but thoughts will truly be with her.

Stage Fright

The space has been converted. All teams for Stevie Rays have christened it with their own brand of humor.

The space feels like it has been converted to a rec room basement for the visually impaired. The carpet could swallow you with its Corinthian swirls serpentine through blood red, and the faux candle chandeliers really bring a mid evil touch. The walls are a beautiful... beige. The stage has about two more feet of space. Overall, it is awesome. It is great to have something new, even if it looks like it was designed by a three year old.

So if you haven't been out to Stevie Ray's for a while, now is the time. The new room will hypnotize you, and the performances will mesmerize you.

See you there.

Bounded Heart

There are a hundred different types of fireworks going off. Each one of them can be felt through every fiber. Every cell through the membrane is reawakening. My lungs expand. They promise life again as they question my motive. My reason. My need to test their capacity. They don't realize it wasn't my choice. They continue to do what they do without question. The rest of my body sends gratitude by truly experiencing all my senses. The suns warmth on my head. The bitter and salty taste of blood and ocean. The smell of the crosswinds from the pacific. There is no greater moment. When you push on death, life pushes back harder.

There are moments when you look at your children and you get a chance to look into the future. It is a future without you. It is beyond you. You look at them and you see possibilities beyond your grave. You get to measure your past, present, and future in the eyes of these beautiful creatures. You wish that you could move them past the experience of pain that life will inevitably play upon them and guide them into all the joys it holds behind the corners.

When I leave home in the morning, my thoughts are no longer about my own adventures, but the small discoveries that they will encounter throughout the day. How will they experience the words and guidance of a daycare teacher. How will they absorb the actions of their miniature peers. They devour everything put in front of them, and piece by piece it adds to their being.

I will return home, hoping that they have not forgotten me. I hope that they have not found something in their day that makes them forget their smiles when they see me. Will they have learned something that fills their tiny heads with joy, in turn taking one more step away from me? It is inevitable. They hold tight at first and then slowly learn to let go. With that, I will long for the first day I left them alone. That day my heart was broken to leave them behind in the unknown. As I walked out of the care facility, I hope and prayed that they would forgive me.



I tread water. Revel in the moment. Take still pictures in my mind. Never forget this moment... life embraced me once more. Time to swim for shore.

Holiday Haul

Chest is tight. There is no more air for my lungs to bathe in. The pressure starts to affect my vision. Blackness is creeping in. My hand is within inches of breaking the surface. Thoughts are racing with images of past and images yet unseen. Panic is starting to set in. The question of death creeps in. Painful? Easy? Quiet? Violent? Will it be there in the next moment...

Christmas was very enjoyable. It started out with the traditional homemade cinnamon rolls, sent to me by my mother. They were delicious.

Right after that, the gift annihilation began. The kids got a nice handful of toys courtesy of family and second hand stores. They have spent many hours with all of them already. Overall, i think they got everything they could have dreamt up for a three and two year old.

The generosity from our family is unmeasurable. From immediate to extended, everyone has been very giving. We cant thank everyone enough for all of their contributions. It really helped in making a great Christmas.

It was decided early on that my wife and i would not exchange any gifts, as we didn't really have the money this year. None the less, she still managed to buy me a few things, which makes her the sweetest and most lovable wife out there. It was enough to make me feel great.

My wonderful wife also made a great dinner that included a turkey ham. It sounds odd, but tasted great, and was healthier. Even Logan seemed to enjoy it.

The kids played hard, we had great food, finished the night with a movie, and just generally relaxed.

Grand Christmas. With that, i leave you with a little funny something. Enjoy.

Edge of Life

The waves push and pull. The salt water fills my lungs. I frantically churn under the water, trying to find my way to the surface for air. The water is murky from the dark skies and the sand. Before i know it, i have hit bottom. I feel the blood start to flow from my forehead from the impact on the millions of small glass like shards on the ocean floor. In my fight to save my lungs from exploding in my chest, i have swam the wrong way. Now i have to push off the underside of earth, and hope that everything in the universe will help me reach the surface before i become a part of the abyss...


Yesterday was a pretty good day. I was informed that my notification of being laid off was rescinded. Nice to know that i will have a job in the new year. One less thing to worry about, and every little bit helps.

Stevie Ray's Cabaret had a great show last night. A lot of fun, and we were informed that the hotel is going to remodel the space. I am sure it will look something like this when it is done...










...or something like that.


Trying to get the kids ready for Christmas. They have had more fun destroying the tree rather then decorating it. As long as it is a good time for them. Both kids are suffering through a raspy cold, so they are constantly in an emotional flux. Currently they are watching Rudolph... what a cruel little show.

We had a lengthy conversation with the teen the other day. Hopefully we have made some connection that allows him to take on some self responsibility. Hope is about all you can rely on as you never know when you are actually making any headway.

The new minivan is working out fine. The only thing that is not working out is how you become invisible on the road. Minivans do not get any respect. A true prejudice exists out there for them. I came to a four way stop on more then one occasion yesterday, and each time it was my turn, other cars snaked me. I am thinking i am going to have to beef up the minivan to give it some notice ability. Please leave your suggestions under the comment section.


...even now i can see the surface. Through the blood and sand that surrounds me, i see a possibility. There are only seconds left...

Beast of Burden

It sits outside. It is patient. I have watched it sleep, and it has watched back. It waits for the moment to fill its belly with flesh. Flesh of old and young. Its capacity to consume is greater then anything that has taken me before. Do i fear it? Maybe. It is still young in experience even though it has a solid ten years since its creation. Even at this moment it taunts me. It begs for me to bring my children out, as i have no way of keeping them from its clutches. It will raise its heart to great speed, and even though it is a giant, it will go unnoticed. Do i hate it? Maybe. There is no escaping it. I have spent many years avoiding its gaze, and now it sits outside my door. Do i need it??..... YES.