Stage Fright

The space has been converted. All teams for Stevie Rays have christened it with their own brand of humor.

The space feels like it has been converted to a rec room basement for the visually impaired. The carpet could swallow you with its Corinthian swirls serpentine through blood red, and the faux candle chandeliers really bring a mid evil touch. The walls are a beautiful... beige. The stage has about two more feet of space. Overall, it is awesome. It is great to have something new, even if it looks like it was designed by a three year old.

So if you haven't been out to Stevie Ray's for a while, now is the time. The new room will hypnotize you, and the performances will mesmerize you.

See you there.

Bounded Heart

There are a hundred different types of fireworks going off. Each one of them can be felt through every fiber. Every cell through the membrane is reawakening. My lungs expand. They promise life again as they question my motive. My reason. My need to test their capacity. They don't realize it wasn't my choice. They continue to do what they do without question. The rest of my body sends gratitude by truly experiencing all my senses. The suns warmth on my head. The bitter and salty taste of blood and ocean. The smell of the crosswinds from the pacific. There is no greater moment. When you push on death, life pushes back harder.

There are moments when you look at your children and you get a chance to look into the future. It is a future without you. It is beyond you. You look at them and you see possibilities beyond your grave. You get to measure your past, present, and future in the eyes of these beautiful creatures. You wish that you could move them past the experience of pain that life will inevitably play upon them and guide them into all the joys it holds behind the corners.

When I leave home in the morning, my thoughts are no longer about my own adventures, but the small discoveries that they will encounter throughout the day. How will they experience the words and guidance of a daycare teacher. How will they absorb the actions of their miniature peers. They devour everything put in front of them, and piece by piece it adds to their being.

I will return home, hoping that they have not forgotten me. I hope that they have not found something in their day that makes them forget their smiles when they see me. Will they have learned something that fills their tiny heads with joy, in turn taking one more step away from me? It is inevitable. They hold tight at first and then slowly learn to let go. With that, I will long for the first day I left them alone. That day my heart was broken to leave them behind in the unknown. As I walked out of the care facility, I hope and prayed that they would forgive me.



I tread water. Revel in the moment. Take still pictures in my mind. Never forget this moment... life embraced me once more. Time to swim for shore.

Holiday Haul

Chest is tight. There is no more air for my lungs to bathe in. The pressure starts to affect my vision. Blackness is creeping in. My hand is within inches of breaking the surface. Thoughts are racing with images of past and images yet unseen. Panic is starting to set in. The question of death creeps in. Painful? Easy? Quiet? Violent? Will it be there in the next moment...

Christmas was very enjoyable. It started out with the traditional homemade cinnamon rolls, sent to me by my mother. They were delicious.

Right after that, the gift annihilation began. The kids got a nice handful of toys courtesy of family and second hand stores. They have spent many hours with all of them already. Overall, i think they got everything they could have dreamt up for a three and two year old.

The generosity from our family is unmeasurable. From immediate to extended, everyone has been very giving. We cant thank everyone enough for all of their contributions. It really helped in making a great Christmas.

It was decided early on that my wife and i would not exchange any gifts, as we didn't really have the money this year. None the less, she still managed to buy me a few things, which makes her the sweetest and most lovable wife out there. It was enough to make me feel great.

My wonderful wife also made a great dinner that included a turkey ham. It sounds odd, but tasted great, and was healthier. Even Logan seemed to enjoy it.

The kids played hard, we had great food, finished the night with a movie, and just generally relaxed.

Grand Christmas. With that, i leave you with a little funny something. Enjoy.

Edge of Life

The waves push and pull. The salt water fills my lungs. I frantically churn under the water, trying to find my way to the surface for air. The water is murky from the dark skies and the sand. Before i know it, i have hit bottom. I feel the blood start to flow from my forehead from the impact on the millions of small glass like shards on the ocean floor. In my fight to save my lungs from exploding in my chest, i have swam the wrong way. Now i have to push off the underside of earth, and hope that everything in the universe will help me reach the surface before i become a part of the abyss...


Yesterday was a pretty good day. I was informed that my notification of being laid off was rescinded. Nice to know that i will have a job in the new year. One less thing to worry about, and every little bit helps.

Stevie Ray's Cabaret had a great show last night. A lot of fun, and we were informed that the hotel is going to remodel the space. I am sure it will look something like this when it is done...










...or something like that.


Trying to get the kids ready for Christmas. They have had more fun destroying the tree rather then decorating it. As long as it is a good time for them. Both kids are suffering through a raspy cold, so they are constantly in an emotional flux. Currently they are watching Rudolph... what a cruel little show.

We had a lengthy conversation with the teen the other day. Hopefully we have made some connection that allows him to take on some self responsibility. Hope is about all you can rely on as you never know when you are actually making any headway.

The new minivan is working out fine. The only thing that is not working out is how you become invisible on the road. Minivans do not get any respect. A true prejudice exists out there for them. I came to a four way stop on more then one occasion yesterday, and each time it was my turn, other cars snaked me. I am thinking i am going to have to beef up the minivan to give it some notice ability. Please leave your suggestions under the comment section.


...even now i can see the surface. Through the blood and sand that surrounds me, i see a possibility. There are only seconds left...

Beast of Burden

It sits outside. It is patient. I have watched it sleep, and it has watched back. It waits for the moment to fill its belly with flesh. Flesh of old and young. Its capacity to consume is greater then anything that has taken me before. Do i fear it? Maybe. It is still young in experience even though it has a solid ten years since its creation. Even at this moment it taunts me. It begs for me to bring my children out, as i have no way of keeping them from its clutches. It will raise its heart to great speed, and even though it is a giant, it will go unnoticed. Do i hate it? Maybe. There is no escaping it. I have spent many years avoiding its gaze, and now it sits outside my door. Do i need it??..... YES.

Weapons and Bouquets

Well, tomorrow is an interesting occasion.









As some of you may know, i carry an unusual passion for Guns N Roses, and some of you may not know that, but i assume i will be judged accordingly. This is a passion that stems from my youth obviously, and because of that, i have mixed feelings about the release of Chinese Democracy tomorrow. I am currently listening to it, as it is streamed from the GNR MySpace page. So far my hopes are not being met, but they are not being dashed either.

I know that Axl is not necessarily the most liked rock icon, but an icon none the less. As is with most individuals who ascend to greatness, they descend even greater amd often times quicker. Original band members are gone. New band members have come and gone. Critics of all sorts have laid their judgements on this eccentric individual. I think of Machiavelli's, The Prince when i think of the history of Axl Rose, just a modern version. None the less, they have had to take notice.

13 years later this man has decided to lower the draw bridge and let the masses in. And so we enter. Some enter with joy, some with intrigue, some with alterior motives, and some with the intent to say they were there. Whatever the reason, the masses are entering. If anything we enter to see how this play ends.

So i sit here passing my own judgement. Definitely not recapturing my youth, but pleased the story continues.

Dual Processing the Whine

Breathe old friend. Though you are just a piece of fruit, I have lightened your load. Breathe. I know it has been a while, and I am sure you thought that you may have lost the ability to run a faster path, but I have not forsaken you.

That’s right; the computer is running at the speed it was intended for. Turns out all those delicious videos of small children really chew up the gigabytes. With a bulk of them removed, as well as a handful of Larynx performance videos, I am once again enjoying my computer.

The weekend was spent doing some all around cleaning. Not only did I cut the clutter off the computer, but I cleared it off the office desk, home office desk, the kitchen desk, the kitchen counter, the kitchen nook, and the dining room table.

After all the de-cluttering, I proceeded to give the home shredder a complete workout. So much so, that it overheated on my three times. By the time I was done, I had enough confetti to set off Times Squares New Years Eve party. I’m sure the recycling lady will think I am covering up some unwanted documents for Lehman Brothers and give the government a call. (How fun would it be to have the job of trying to piece all of that together? The ultimate puzzle.)

Aside from the cleaning, the majority of the weekend was spent enjoying the kids. The levels of disagreements between the two are starting to soar. They are both becoming very clever as to how to antagonize the other. With that, comes a higher level of whining. Oh the whining. It is almost like art. The way they are able to make their statements so sing songy, yet brain piercing at the same time. You could send an army of whiney toddlers to a battle and they would have victory in seconds flat.

Outside of that, it was great to bond and play with my children. They remind me of how easy it is to get to the play when you are kids. Anything goes, and I love it. Sometimes I wish that I didn’t have to kick parent mode back in, just so I could see how far we could go, but jumping off the arms of the couch while naked could be dangerous for everyone.

Speaking of playing, The Outtakes had a great rehearsal. Great collective exercises and homework seems to be coming along swimmingly.

The evenings found my wife and me watching some comedy. Caught a few flicks. One worth mentioning was Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It caught me by surprise. Didn’t think I would like it, but I did. We also got to watch The Worst Week of My Life. It was funny and worth blowing a little time on. Basically turned Meet the Parents in to a week long show. (Thanks Larry B for the link).

Lots of improv on the brain as well this weekend, so maybe it is time to kick some of it in gear and implement. Time to bring in some new ideas.

Alas my fair fruit, you have endured my banter long enough. I shall relinquish my post and let your keys breathe.