Cramped Cranium

There are certain times of the year that a feeling comes over me, and I feel a bit volatile. Its as if i can no longer manage a filter that helps keep how i truly feel in check. I usually remedy this by avoiding prolonged conversations with people, and hiding somewhere between my right lobe and the inside of my skull. My patience for people runs extremely thin, daily activities that are work related become highly annoying for its lack of creativity, and my general disposition becomes less then agreeable. I tend to have a greater sense of the mundane and ignorance around me that becomes white noise after a period of time. I so badly want to quit my subscription to "normal" life, and cut a path that is unique to my ideals.

I find these times to also be some of my greatest points of learning. Mainly about myself. I tend to be able to define my boundaries more, push my own personal expectations, and head forward into the abyss with more abandonment. It is as if i lose any sense of fear. As if "Fear" has taken a mini vacation along with "Doubt", and left me with no sense of consequence. It is something that i have started to look forward to the older i get. When you are young, consequence had little measure. The worst you could expect was a couple nights in jail. That's the worst, not that it ever reached that point. Now, with a family at hand, consequence carries a whole new meaning, and i try to handle it with as much responsibility as i can muster. As i was saying though, these strange moments creep over me like an ominous cloud cracking thunder, encouraging me to throw it to the wind... and i oblige.

So there it is, a bit of perspective. If i should offend you, upset you, not meet your expectation of me, you will know why. It is a learning experience for all of us. Just know that i am no longer comfortable sitting next to the back of my skull.