Meaning of Life

While shopping the other day for children's Tylenol, my wife and I came across the cycle of life at none other than Wal-Mart. Thanks to my wife for pointing this gem out to me.

You may be asking yourself how this is possible at Wal-Mart. Well, I'm about to tell you and show you.


If you look carefully at this photo, taken near the pharmacy section, you will be able to see what I am speaking of.

Lets start at the bottom left, and work our way around clockwise.

As you can see, we have basic condoms on the bottom three rows. This would be where most first time sexually active people direct their eye. They want nothing more then the basics, as their experience in this department is minimal.

As we move up, you can see that we start to get into some experimental things, like vibrating rings. This would be for those that have more then likely been with their partner for a longer period of time, and wish to try something "new".

Moving up, we see basic to advanced lubricants come in to view. If you have reached lubricant stage, you are probably pretty comfortable with your partner, and realize some aid is needed. You ll notice that these things are eye level. The reason for this is that there are A LOT of comfortable people at this stage and it makes it easier for a quick purchase.

Now we start getting into the more interesting spot. Above the lubricants, you ll notice there are the pregnancy tests. This is an interesting section. I think Wal-Mart gave this some thought. This section would be for two types of people. The first would be the people who have moved from the lubricant stage into "lets have a family" stage. That step is probably pretty obvious. The second group consists of our less experienced group from the bottom of the shelf. You see, when the condom failed the beginners, they come running back to the pharmacy for the pregnancy test. The reason Wal-Mart was smart to put it at the top of this section is because this group of people will be talking upward to their respective God, so it is easier for them to see on the top shelf.

Onward. As you may notice there is the children's Tylenol on the top shelf on the right. This one is fairly obvious as well. You have been successful in your sexual endeavors, whether you wanted to be or not, and now you have to try and cure some of those teething problems, or one of the many illnesses that a child brings home from the petri dish, aka daycare.

Right under that we move into the muscle relief cream. This is where we have moved into a mature part of our life, because we are able to recognize that our muscles are not what they once were, and we don't mind smelling like a mint factory to ease our pain. Tending to children being a large part of this pain.

Downward to the final shelves. We have begun to hit that point in our life where the children are gone, and so are some of our reflexes and the ability to hold a glass. Yes, arthritis relief is next as well as something to numb that constant back ache. Realize this, your backache is probably a result of having to lift your grandchildren because your child had not been properly introduced to the Wal-Mart cycle of life.

So when it comes time for that talk, bring your child (or grandchild) on their 13th birthday, and show them how a 6x10 foot area of shelves is their future.

Again, I have to thank my wife for this wonderfully humorous observation. By the way, if I smell like menthol , you will know i have moved to a new stage, so try not to mention it.